Ok so it went really well and I really liked them and it was such a nice day really but I suddenly got a panic attack on our way home and it was just so awkward and I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t breathe and I started to get really sweaty and I couldn’t hold on to anything around me not even a single conversation and it started to hurt from my chest to my fingertips so I just stared into nothing when my boyfriend’s stepsister asked if I was ok and then I just bursted into tears and I couldn’t stop crying.
Fortunately, they handled it really well and my bf took me home and held me as I cried and cried and cried and I couldn’t even figure out my own feelings till the only thing I could think about was how he deserves someone better than me. And it hurt so freakin much.
He is so nice and kind and talented and funny and smart and good looking and he’s got a job and he’s studying and he plays music and I can’t even visit his family for the first time without bursting into tears.
So we were just laying there and suddenly he looked at me, ran his finger across my cheek and called me beautiful, and I told him I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I think he deserves someone better even though I know it’s stupid and that I know he doesn’t wanna be with anyone else but seriously though I still don’t understand.
I dig him so much.
I never knew you could care this much about another person.
I didn’t know you could care so much it hurts.
I’m meeting my boyfriend’s mom and stepdad for the first time tomorrow. I’m really excited to meet them. And their pets. Especially their pets. Animals are better than people.
Ugh, and I’m also a bit scared. It’s very important that they like me. And I’m better at talking to animals.
How did I even get a boyfriend……………………..